Life finds a way

A close friend said to me the other day. This was when I was going through my lowest point this year.

And here I am today.

I had a difficult 6 months. I am emotionally exhausted. I am tired of responding to expectations. Expectations at home. And at work.

As we get older, why are we expected to suck it in and brave it all? Why can’t we be openly vulnerable?

My job finally ended last week. Here is an excerpt from my leaving email:

Following this, I had a huge number of people come up to me. Speak to me. Show me their gratitude. I was immensely humbled by everyone’s thoughts in my leaving card. They spoke about how I brought about a positive change. How I was one of the best managers’ they have ever had. How they want to keep seeing me. How I helped them succeed. A load of my colleagues came out to wish me well. And stayed out for a long time.

It’s gestures like these which make it hard to stop looking behind and look forward.

I have so much to look forward to. At-least 3 conferences in the next couple of months. A chance to work closely with AnitaB.org institute to help create truly diverse spaces. A chance to help organise an international conference next year. And an opportunity to build and empower a new team!

All this is well and good.

But what do I do with the emotional challenges in my personal life? I do not have any strong connections. I am unable to resonate with the people I hang out with. It is all about children and not about who you are as a person.

How do I get out of this emotional drain? Do friends from work environments understand this?

I am still trying to figure out my motivation in this space.

Until then, this is what I am reading:)