Coaching

I have been toying with the idea of being coached since July. It’s when I did the Playful leadership course and realised that in order to help coach others, I need to help myself first.

Coaching does not suggest solutions to issues. It helps you discover your own way of improving and tackling issues. Some of it also helps you understand and view a third person’s perspective on how what you are thinking about actually looks on the outside.

Finding a good coach is essential to helping you on this journey. I was recently speaking to a friend and they mentioned that they know someone who does holistic coaching. The idea sounded appealing to me as I am spiritual to some extent and some of the things i do in life are because we need to do more for the greater good of the world around us.

I spoke to N* over a hangouts call about 2 weeks ago. I felt an instant sense of calm and ease as soon as we started our conversation. I felt safe. I felt no judgement. I knew I wanted them to be my coach. And hopefully a friend too.

Before our first session, N* sent me the ‘Wheel of Life’ to try and understand what areas I want to start working on.

I had to score each of the areas to understand what I wanted to work on. To my surprise, I scored really low on Support, Self-kindness and Boundaries. I was aware of other low scoring areas already but not these. I also discovered that I probably don’t realise my boundaries are clear to me until they have been crossed (which is too late).

I had my first session today. I had forgotten that when i did coaching last year, I found it emotionally taxing. Coaching enables you to surface what’s deep inside you. I felt emotional during my session with N*. I was surprised I kept composure. They reminded me that I am actually very strong for the roles I play in my life.

I don’t really talk about the pain I have inside me and the amount of hurt built up inside. I know I need to start relying more on myself than seeking support externally. I know I am slowly burning out as my body has a way of informing me of this.

I left the session feeling….unusual. I don’t think I had an emotion. My only objective was to get home. I realised that I felt sad. Mainly because I spoke a lot about hurt. And the need to be seen. And acknowledged.

I was tired. All I wanted was some warm food and a hot shower.

However, later on in the evening I realised….my body has started detoxing. The first step in solving a problem is accepting that there is a problem. And I feel there are multiple factors I can work on for myself. I am confident that, although this is taxing, I will be able to overcome some of the things above with N*’s help.

I need to continue on this journey. And not for anyone else, but myself.